Oct 29, 2004

Solomon had it right

Today I got an optical mouse for my computer at work, and a halloween card from the four foot mafia. Our kitty is getting fixed today. Poor little buddy. I remembered the name of that musician I was thinking of, and am finally not too busy at work. The weekend starts tonight, I might get to see Bryan Free tomorrow night, and my parents are calling to talk to me about nice things.

I don't understand why I still feel sad and anxious.

I need to spend some time alone with Jesus.

Oct 27, 2004

-

sometimes extremely emotionally draining things happen at my work

Oct 25, 2004

tooth update #7

It doesn't really hurt much anymore, I went all day without painkillers yesterday and am thus far free today as well.

However, I got a piece of an almond stuck in the socket today. EW EW EW EW EW!!! It didn't hurt, but it felt really weird and made me lose my apatite. Ugh.

crash

In a dream last night Kisha was driving a big white pick up truck that she had just picked up from the dealership. The two of us were travelling on a highway.

Kisha was driving too fast along some curves of the highway, and we slid off the road into wet grass. She looked over at me and said, “The truck’s going to roll, hold on.” Just as she said, the truck started to roll over. Very slowly. It was like slow motion for the truck, but Kisha and I were still in regular speed.

The truck, still rolling, neared a river bank. I really did not want to fall in, so I told the truck to stop. And it did, about two feet away from the edge. Kisha and I got out and went to the hospital. We didn’t have any injuries, but we needed to get shots. Car wreck shots.

Strange.

Oct 24, 2004

red sox nation

Just three more wins...

The game last night gave me a tension headache. Mabe that's why people always drink beer at sporting events.

Oct 22, 2004

work, tooth, mom

I am so glad that it is almost the weekend. I like my job, but I am so tired of work. I just have too much to do here.

At least my tooth is feeling better. I was able to sleep on the right side of my face again last night.

Good news: my mom called me to talk about the red sox. I had a completely normal, friendly, seven minute conversation with my mom. The world really has turned upside down.

Oct 21, 2004

are you too good for your home

I am feeling homesick, though I have no particular home to feel sick for. Maybe I just miss my friends.

Oct 20, 2004

Sometimes I feel like an adult

I just filled out a form establishing a retirement plan for myself.

Oct 19, 2004

tooth update #6

and probably the last. Feeling okay. The pain was not as bad as I expected (thank you motrin). My wonderful Bobby made me tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I ate half the sandwich before the pain got too bad. Later in the evening I had some black currant sorbetto that he brought me. So good. Cold and comforting. Still a little bit of blood, but not bad. No bruising on my face yet, but I would not be surprised if a few show up. (At least then my face would coordinate with the 14 other bruises I have on my body) Swelling too is minimal, but they say that peaks around day 2 or 3. All in all a smooth operation.

tooth update #5

I feel good right now. I just ate a little bit of potato and cheese soup. The pain killers I took earlier should be wearing off by now, but I don't feel an increased level of pain.

tooth update #4

Napping is nice. I haven't quite stopped bleeding yet. Hm. I'm slightly worried that I feel this much pain and have taken vicodin already. But it says the pain is the worst for 12-24 hours after, so either way I should be alright for work tomorrow.

it is hard to type while holding ice on your face.

tooth update #3

Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. It feels like someone has been standing on my jaw. Perhaps jumping up and down as well. I'm going to take a nap.

tooth update #2

the numb wore off. Now there is a very broad, hard, ache in my mouth. Not unbearable at this point, but I will be taking the advil religiously for a while longer.

tooth update #1

I don't feel so bad right now. A little puffy, I speak like a new immigrant, I want coffee and food but can't have either. Overall I'm alright. The thing is, though, the numbing hasn't worn off yet. I can't really feel anything on the right side of my face. (By the way, I don't recommend trying to put on chapstick when half your lips are numb.) I don't know what's going to happen when I can feel again. I should probably try and get this paper written before I have to take narcotics and I'm good for nothing except giggling and sleep.

Oct 18, 2004

A: tooth-hurty

Pray for me. I'm getting my wisdom tooth removed tomorrow. It all fell into place so fast, getting taken there at seven in the morning, getting picked up, getting the time off work. The next available opening is December 2nd. As scared as I am, I'm so glad I get to go tomorrow. The short notice also gives me less time to freak myself out about this. I'm scared.

(Q: What time is it when it's time to go to the dentist?)

Oct 17, 2004

I need to cut my toenails

I'm feeling better now. The antibiotics have reduced the pain from the infection. I no longer need narcotics to feel better, just obscene amounts of advil. The other infection that I got from the antibiotics is almost completely gone. Sigh of relief.

After all the worry, scheming, and pouting, I was able to go Bobby's show last night. So fun. Seriously, go see his band play. I'm not just saying this because he's my boyfriend, he's a very talented drummer and the band is a lot of fun. Almost got me dancing, and that's saying a lot. His brother and I went along for the whole ride, helping take the gear to the club, move it around, attempt to fill the anxious and dull hours before the show, and pack it all up at the end. Oh, and we can't forget the communal mockery of the other bands, particularly the fog machine and ascots.

I couldn't help but pick apart the technical issues with the sound and the other bands. I realize she had a cold, but that girl from the High Violets missed so many notes I lost count, and her overall vocal style came across as a lame attempt to sound like stereolab. Her range was limited and her voice had no depth and was far to airy. I realize I may not be able to do any better, but you don't see me taking the stage, subjecting people that. The headliners, the Stars of Track and Field I payed no attention to. I heard their soundcheck, they weren't bad so much as dull.

The sound, though. First, it's a bad space for sound. Narrow, square, and brick. There weren't enough people there to keep the sound from bouncing off those brick walls, and stage volume, as always, was a concern. There was one mic, the one at the keys, that sounded like distorted tin. I thought the mix for the High Violets had too much low end, the mix for Reclinerland too much high. Reclinerland didn't get a sound check and their style is different enough than the other two bands that I have to give the sound man some slack. But by the end of the set he should have noticed that everything Anthony did and Jason's guitar were dominating the high end volume to the point that Mike's vocals got buried. He had a cold as well, he needed all the volume help he could get. Besides, I think that two of the stronger elements of the band are the lyrics and Mike's vocal abilities and should be brought to the forefront of the mix. It wasn't all negative, though I'm probably portraying it as such. The drums were mixed well, which is something I have yet to be able to do. The bass and drums were blended really well, and I thought the keys were not only mixed well but also held at a good volume. If only that sound guy would have replaced that mic and dug out Mike's vocals...

After the show we took the gear back to their rehersal space and went to Le Happy to celebrate Anthony's birthday. Great crepes, fun people, good music. I didn't get home until 2 something and slept until 11. All things considered, a fanstastic night.

Oct 14, 2004

cheese with my whine

I feel awful. I have two infection and four medications running through my body. I'm tired, hungry, and in pain. I don't want to be at work. I don't want to go to class. I want to lie in bed, cuddle, and watch the Miracle Maker dvd we just got, and then sleep sleep sleep sleep.

Oct 13, 2004

Brother Bill?

I had a very vivid dream last night, but all I can remember of it is Bill reading through a small leather book in my downtown apartment. The apartment had no furniture and was really cold. The book he was reading was a layout of the monastery life of the roman catholic church. He was seriously looking into becoming a monk.

I guess that medieval Russian history paper I wrote last night didn’t leave my mind as quickly as I would have liked.

Oct 12, 2004

my boss said she wanted us all to get high at work

Even if it's only half, don't take vicodin at work.

Oct 11, 2004

teeth and drugs

Yes Cherise, I got to go to the dentist. After a month of increasing pain in my jaw that was spreading to all parts of my head, I am very much looking forward to anything that will alleviate the torture. From my trip to the dentist I discovered that my wisdom tooth did come in crooked and it is the cause of my jaw soreness and it’s inability to open and close without wiggling from side to side. The reason for the extreme nature of the pain is the lesion in my gums under the roots of the tooth and subsequent infection that has been developing there. Gratefully, none of this is through any fault of mine. I am just an innocent victim here. So now I’m taking antibiotics and ingesting acidophilus filled yogurt in a desperate attempt to avoid the digestion and other unmentionable and much more aggravating issues that go along with this particular type of medicine. I also have a prescription for vicodin that I am using as sparingly as possible, in part because of my past misuse of the narcotic, and in part because it renders me incapable of anything but lying in bed and basking in the pain free, warm, cushiony, secure glow the drug induces.

Oct 8, 2004

hamsters are good. drugs are bad. don't do drugs

One of the cats scratched me last night. This is the fourth or fifth time I have been scratched by one of those beasts. Before it was just my foot or hand. Now it is my thigh.

On a worse note, here is one of the agenda items for our staff meeting today:
WORK PLACE CONFLICT & RESOLUTION
What to expect:Skills, tools, and techniques for preventing and managing the dynamics of conflict.
Conflict Management
When Performance Creates Conflict
Communications, Cultures, and Conflict
Rivalry and Teams in the Workplace: Understanding and Negotiating Team/Departmental Conflict

Using these, you can turn conflict into a catalyst for creative, positive change rather than a negative, damaging force. A Responsibility Plan will be given to each team member with a Self Care List.

On a better note, I like school and I get to go to the dentist tomorrow. Also, Bobby and the rest of his family, Janaki, Kisha, Cherise, and all of my friends are all wonderful people and I'm extremely blessed by having you in my life.

Oct 7, 2004

*sigh* *smile*

I am sappy and I love it.

Oct 6, 2004

schooled

I have a great instructor for my psych class. Sadly, the book is nowhere near as wonderful. It reads like a public high school health book, you know the one that hasn't been updated since the late seventies? Below are a few of my favorite quotes from the text thus far:
"The results have sometimes given psychology a black eye"
"While the invalidity of our household scale is a source of amusement to us, invalid intelligence tests are no joking matter."
and "Figuritively, they are trying to burn the candle at both ends and get burned out."

My classmates have come up with a few choice phrases as well:
"She was walking around herself, then."
and "Language is putting things into boxes that they really don't belong in."

vroom

Steve Martin was my bus driver this morning.

Oct 4, 2004

things I did not expect to learn in class

I didn’t expect my Medieval Russian History class to be an inspiration to my faith, but reading the following account in the Primary Russian Chronicle so moved me that I had to set aside the report I was writing and sit in awe of my God for a few minutes.

“Then we went on to Greece, and the Greeks led us to the edifices where they worship their God, and we knew not whether we were in heaven or on earth. For on earth there is no such splendor or such beauty, and we are at a loss how to describe it. We know only that God dwells there among men, and their service is fairer than the ceremonies of other nations. For we cannot forget that beauty. Every man, after tasting something sweet, is afterward unwilling to accept that which is bitter, and therefore we cannot dwell longer here.”

That last line hurt because I have done just that. I have been given the amazing, undeserved privilege of knowing personally the God of such great beauty and at times I return to what is bitter. The wonder of it, though, is that the Lord continues to actively pursue my attention. What a gracious and passionate God I get to know.

Oct 1, 2004

sleep now

I want to complain. I want to whine about school, homework, being tired, having to work full time, medical bills, not having money for everything I want...

I think I need a nap.