I had another funny food craving yesterday, being hit with a sudden need to eat salad with beans and corn, and pizza. Bob had a brilliant idea to bring along my desired salad and meet me at the pizza schmizza window downtown. We could have a picnic in the square!
The new Director Park is a few steps closer and has tables, so we went over there. Simon did pretty well through dinner, he ate, he only got out of his seat a few times, taking off after a pigeon, and he came back within a reasonable amount of time after we told him to. The trouble started when he wanted to get in the fountain. His swim stuff wasn't in his bag, and the extra clothes in there were dirty. I told him he could get wet, but he didn't have dry clothes. He probably didn't truly understand, and waded in.
Simon was already tired. It was downtown around 5, so it was loud and busy. He had used a lot of his emotional and physical energy to hold it together during dinner. I should have expected it, made him sit with his headphones to give him a break before he went in, taken him out of sight of the water to explain how to act in the fountain. But I'd just gotten done with a busy day of work. I was tired and warm and distracted by the crowds myself. So we just helped him out of his shirt and shoes and sent him in.
Within minutes he had splashed at a kid and a parent. Bob waded over to tell him to stop. He did it again. And again. I walked over to remind not to, but he wouldn't come near me. I was still in work clothes, so I had to send Bob in after him. He carried Simon out dripping and angry.
We sat him down and tried to tell him he had to stop, or we'd leave, but we didn't get the words out. Simon screamed. Screamed as loud and long and high as his little body would let him. And then he did it again. and again. There's nothing to do but wait it out when he does that. If you speak, he screams more, if you touch him, he screams more and lashes out. It was only four shrieks in the midst of a loud and busy downtown square, but if felt like the world stopped and those screams were all that existed. I try not to be embarrassed, if other people think we're bad parents of have an undisciplined child, so be it. They don't know us and I'll probably never see them again.
We carted him off and got him in the car, and he was calm for the drive home. My own senses had me on the verge of self-destructing at that point, my emotions raw, and everything in me had run dry. It was mild, as far as meltdowns go, but it took everything I had left.
I should have expected it. He was tired, this was out of the ordinary, a break in the routine. He didn't have the proper clothes with him, and wet khaki shorts feel bad on anyone. We're new to this though, and even seasoned parents will make mistakes sometimes. And now it's more clear than before, 'fun' things will not be fun if Simon isn't up to handling it. Sometimes it's not obvious before hand how he'll handle something, but this - this I should have expected. We won't be able to do everything we want, or everything that a family with typical kids can do. It makes me sad sometimes, angry at others, and even though I know it could be much harder, it doesn't help in the moment when our son is being hauled away from something we all really wanted to do.
5 comments:
I know it's difficult, but I hope you will try not to beat yourself up about it. Every parent has had to endure the outbursts of their children in public places,even more so when your kid has these types of challenges. I know we have had our fair share (Imaging 8 year old Skyler laying on the floor of Fred Meyer melting down over some stupid check-stand impulse buy item that she knew she wasn't getting, before we ever entered the store...Kicking and crying, and unable to stop herself. When asked later exactly what had happened, she could NOT explain her reaction to being told no, even though she knew the rules about In-the-Store behavior, and knew she wasn't to ask for such things, or she would be told no...)
I promise I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, I know it doesn't really fell like you have any camaraderie with those other parents when this is happening in the moment, just know that many, many, many of us are right there with you.
It's funny how we all have those moments and still judge other parents for the same thing! I do it myself sometimes, and have to reminder myself that I have no clue what their situation is. It's happened before, and it will happen again, but the good news is we're building tools we need to help him succeed.
It sounds to me like you handled it beautifully! It may not seem like it but I think your understanding of Simon and the way you guys parent through it is amazing.
Bravo Lalita, bravo.
Lalita, this is Michael. First of all, I might have noticed before but I most certainly did now. You are an amazing writer.
Second. You are absolutly right in that you are new to this. Something my cousin in law said to me the other day really made me think. He said that he was still getting used to living with a three and a half year old and I thought, wait a minute, I'M still getting used to living with a three and a half year old! We're so so new to this. Youo are so so new to this. Maybe you "should" have expected something like this, but all things considered, you are still new to this whole parenting thing and you cannot, cannot anticipate everything that's going to happen. You have a four year history of experiences with Simon to build on but things are going to catch you off guard.
Man I love your kid. If we all had a dollar for every time someone thought we were doing something wrong with our kids, we'd all have the money to afford to have other people take care of our kids. Thank God we don't. I was very pleased to see that you had the thought that you don't know these people and will probably never see them again. Because, and please excuse the language, fuck them. You guys are wonderful parents and take wonderful care of your child.
Thank you all - encouragement and support mean the world to us, and can make a lot of difference in the emotional strength we have to respond well to our sweet beast. He's pretty much my favorite person on earth, and I need all the help I can get to continue to care for his as he needs.
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