An analogy. With sticks.

A friend recently recommended a website to me, and on that website was a useful story. You can find the useful story here:  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ Though useful, I have problems with this story. First and foremost, this is NOT a theory. This is not an idea, formed by your education and insight, explaining why or how or when. This is an analogy. This is the use of objects to represent another thing, in this case, what it is like to live with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia. 

Also, after reading the word "spoon" and "spoonies" repeatedly, I want to eat with my hands for the rest of my life. As I'm going to use this analogy for Simon and I, I think I'll use some other object we both like. Something like - sticks. It of course makes sense to use money, as it's something you earn and spend and go into debt over. I hate talking about money, and I really like sticks. This stick analogy works for both my fibro and Simon's SPD, but in different ways. I just love talking about myself, so I'll start with me. 

What it's like to live with fibromyalgia. With Sticks. 

The premise of this analogy is that every person begins each day with a certain amount of sticks in hand. Everything you do during your day takes away a stick. Or more than one, depending. Most people have an adequate to over abundant supply of sticks, and so using up your sticks is not really a problem. You could have a full day and still have enough sticks left over to build a small fort or roast marshmellows with your friends. The trouble with fibro, at least as it's manifested for me, is that I never know how many sticks I'll wake up with, and it's often not enough. Say I start a particularly bad day off with only five sticks. Getting ready for and getting to work: 1 stick. Getting work done in a reasonably productive manner: 2 sticks. Sitting in my chair, working through the terrible pain in my knees: 1 stick. Getting out of work and onto the bus: 1 stick. I'm out of sticks. I fall asleep on the bus. I sulk through dinner with my family, maybe nodding off at the table. I leave my exhausted husband to put Simon to bed, I go to sleep. 

Some suggest that I should just power through it, keep myself awake, help with the kid, stay up past 6:30 and get some things done. I can do that, I won't drop dead at the end of my sticks. But my pain will get worse, which will interrupt my sleep, which means when I wake up tomorrow, I'll start with only 4 sticks. I have to get through work, so I do, and have less sticks the next day, until it's Saturday and I'm so stick-deprived I sleep until 1pm. Not all days are this bad. I might have a seven stick day and poke around on the internet after I get Simon in bed. I've been known to have ten - twelve stick days, when I work well, cheerily parent my son, embroider something awesome, and maybe even see a friend.

I'm working on finding ways to increase my daily sticks. Tai Chi and acupuncture seem to be helping so far, and I'll see if I can find a way to balance getting at least some twigs out of water aerobics without going overboard and getting distressing rashes from the chlorine. I'm also learning to accept my short stick days, to be okay with doing less and not feeling sad and guilty about it. So please, friends, know that if I'm not in touch for awhile, it doesn't mean I don't care, it just means I'm out of sticks. 

(and now, I'm low on sticks with a lot to do. more on sticks and SPD when I'm feeling a little more twiggy.)